i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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