What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
