Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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