My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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