at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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