OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
