We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
