the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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