My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
