She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
