I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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