just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
