he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize