Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
