I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
