I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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