DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize