i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
