I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
