I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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