Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
