shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
