..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
