Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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