My balls are so social today.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
