doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
