tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
