The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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