I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
