Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
