Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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