I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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