my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
