so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
