will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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