Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
