I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
