I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
