I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
