Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Strip Club
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
