Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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