Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
