i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
