shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
