I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
