ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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