he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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