So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
