The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
