Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
