I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
