just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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