If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
