i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
