I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
