Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
