was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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