Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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