watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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