i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sarcasm needs its own font
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
