I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
