12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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