btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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