I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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