Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
