mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
